Salvation is not Sacrifice.

“I will never let you fall

I’ll stand up with you forever

I’ll be there for you through it all

Even if saving you sends me to heaven”

-Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Altruism is selfless concern for the welfare of others. And this is somewhat seen and viewed as something good because of its nobility.

But I’m not talking about its greatness or whatsoever, because without question, it is a virtue. I will talk about on how it is seen in the society today.

That line from “Your Guardian Angel” clearly speaks on what is it all about, and really, it sucks to see some people overdoing it, believing it is the right thing to do. Because in order to sacrifice to do some selfless work, we need to:

see what is it that influences us to be altruistic. (because when we are driven by the wrong motivation to sacrifice ourselves, then our sacrifice would be in vain.)

make it a point that it should be able to influence a great deal of change. (because it’s ourselves we sacrifice here, so we might as well consider a considerable outcome.)

Otherwise, it wouldn’t be wise for us to sacrifice ourselves in such a way that we just jeopardize for nothing. We should remember that before we jump into the fray, we must be able to know what we will do. Because jumping out there without doing anything is just plain stupidity. A reason like ” I did it because I love her” would not suffice. Sacrificing ourselves is not some show to be gallant or chivalrous, it is a choice made by us, because we want something to change or to bloom.

That Caramel Sundae

I remembered my experience with this caramel sundae, when we were eating at Mc Donald’s on the Farmer’s branch. I wasn’t aware of this kind of dessert because the Mc Donald’s near the school doesn’t offer them. I was surprised when two of my friends ordered it and wow, it’s really tempting to eat one. And that’s how it started.

I never knew that this ice cream can really pack a punch, because I am already used to something that is on my reach. But it pays off that when we try something new, because there is always a possibility that it could surpass that something that we are already used to.

I would like to thank that caramel sundae for teaching me such wonderful things.

Falling in Love Systematically (Repost)

“The longest journey you will ever take is the 18 inches from your head to your heart.”

This status message inspired me to write something like this, so in love, we really have to take that journey. And that journey is what I would be talking about.

So at most, meron dapat tayong idea on how we could make it a point so that we can determine na in love na nga ba tayo. Which is very tricky. You can be in that certain point na akala mo love na, pero chances are infatuated ka lang. Para ka lang kumain ng choco hot fudge, sa una, sobrang tamis at sarap, pero kung sa lasa ka lang naka-fix, malamang-lamang magsawa ka rin dun. At ano ba naman kung magsawa ka sa choco hot fudge, di ba? Pwede ka rin naman umorder nun ulit, pero pre, ang pag-ibig, hindi ganun e. Merong chance na makuha mo ulit , pero merong chance na hindi na. So in order for that na maayos natin, we have to verify kung tama ba talaga ang ating nararamdaman. Kasi once na pumasok tayo sa isang bagay na hindi tayo sure o masyadong naniniwala, wala ring kasiguraduhan ang kalalabasan ng bagay na yun.

Which is contradictory to “some things are best left with a little bit of uncertainty”, na I kept on speaking about on my formspring account. Pero you know what, this statement is only used so that we can cover up for the truth na alam na natin, pero ayaw lang natin I confirm, so we must be able to muster up our courage and convey our feelings effectively. Kailangan panindigan natin yung pinaniniwalaan natin, na in such a point that even things don’t go our way, our beliefs don’t get shaken. This is really important, dahil I would speak about my opinions and if my opinions clash with yours, then I hope na hindi tayo magpadala sa emotions mo.

So to start, we have to determine that path point kung saan ba nagsisimula itong love na ito. To us, it follows an irreversible path na kapag napuntahan na natin, e hindi natin kayang balikan. And base dun sa ating status message, there is a journey that it traverses bago ito maging “love” that we see today. It all starts in the mind. Yes, dun muna siya mag-uumpisa, it is when you think of these feelings na para sa iyo, bigla mo na lang naiisip. For example, magkaibigan kayo then you suddenly begin to think na you could take it to the higher level and you suddenly think of things like “Wow, she could be my girlfriend.”, something like that. And when it comes to that, you begin to feel flustered when she’s around, you begin to be careful with the words you say and then that’s it, you move on to the next stop over.

Four to five inches below the mind is the next stopover. Dito na magkakatalo and this probably is the best argument that I could give to all of you. It flourishes through our words. Kapag hindi na kaya iprocess ng utak mo, it goes across to the mouth wherein we convey our feelings. These feelings na nasasabi mo like “I need you” and “I love you” are first processed in your mind. Then masasabi mo na siya, not only to yourself, but to other people as well. Pwedeng sinabi mo sa bestfriend mo kung medyo nagdadalawang-isip ka, or kung medyo matapang ka, sinabi mo nang direkta. The thing is, before love grows, it is first thought of and said. Then saka mo lang makikita through the next stop over kung talagang totoo ang love na yon.

And of course, fourteen or thirteen inches below is the point of application. At eto na ang stopover na pinakaimportante sa lahat. The heart. It is nurtured by our heart. Dito mo na mararamdaman yung sakit kapag may kasama siyang iba, nagseselos ka kahit hindi kayo, at dito mo mararanasan na nakukumpleto ang araw mo kapag nagkikita kayo at nakakapagusap. Ang pinakainfluential part ng katawan na nagpapump ng dugo sa ating utak, at other organs ay dito na magsisimulang magtrabaho. Kaya kapag narito ka na sa stopover na ito, malamang mahihirapan ka na dahil umapaw na sa isip at salita mo yung nararamdaman mo, so eto na nga yun. In love ka na. At ang puso, siya na ang magme-maintain niyan.

And lastly, the final stop over, it goes down to our hands. Dahil hindi mo na mapigilan ang love, eto na, this is where it comes to, na you perform acts of love. Little sacrifices, big sacrifices, they are just the same. There is only one feeling that they want to convey. It is manifested by our acts. Which can really decide the fate of our love.

OMG. I never expected to write and think about this on just one status message.

Sinner's Stance

Whoa. I am getting the hang of it. I don't want you to do anything out of hand. Soon, I will be able to keep up on this pace called life. And really, after I compare what was I like during the past few weeks, I can say I really did a good job. But there is one thing that I am really worried about. And it really freaks me out.

Yeah, there is this voice that kept on ringing on my head. It is asking me a repeating question that goes like, "Are you really sure it's okay to leave it like that?". I know I can answer that for sure, and I am pretty confident that it is a positive answer, but the feeling that it has been giving me all along says the opposite. There is this feeling that if I leave it like this now, I may not be able to regain something really important.

And that made me think. Maybe that something important was friendship. I won't be able to regain the favor of those two. But then, I cannot help it. It seemed that in their relationship, they have to put friends aside to make things work out, which is a concrete example of a exclusive relationship. And really, I hope things will work out well, as they push people away from them, focusing on themselves only.

I am really stupid on worrying about other people when I have even grave worries myself. I just hope these people that I worry about can live on, without knowledge that someone really cares for them behind those shadows of misunderstanding. When trying times come, I will prove that I am worthy of being called your friend. Even if it costs me my stance.

Apology is never Easy.

Apology is never easy. It seems that conflict really is inevitable during these days. Whether you say something or nothing, people would have an idea on what you are thinking and what you are trying to say. But then, it simply doesn't add up, because most of the time, those perspectives were wrong in the first place.

I have to admit, having someone so cross about something I did, really gets on my nerves. It pressures me to think, and to plan what will I have to do next. It bombards my questions with numerous questions that are unanswerable by me but I kept on thinking about those answers even though I know it is hopeless.

And these few days, people are adding up to my pressures. And I can clearly say it's not my fault. My conscience is clean. But I think, in one way or another, I think my only error was attaining that level of closeness with them, even though it seemed impossible at first. Sorry for being so ambitious. I guess those pretty girls won't understand the troubles of a normal guy. But nonetheless, I am really sorry. But I know, it won't suffice, so why say it?

In Desparity

I guess even the "Death Note" has its own rules. Even that perilous power that grants control in others' lives is still bound by the rules. And I can't help but wonder on what would it be, if it has no rules? It would be more chaotic than what happened on the series. So it has to stick. Rules really are important.

I observed that people really don't follow rules. Majority would enjoy breaking them instead of upholding them. And the people who breaks them, would be the same people who would shout to advocate for upholding and observing them, which makes it so damn paradoxical. This makes things so hard for everyone to believe that rules are necessary guidelines to follow. Since these rules "limit" the amount of power we can possess, we could consider them as hindrances for our progress.

I know that rules are incorporated in our life. And I have that reverence on the relevance of these rules that is a "standard" for me to measure, whether what I believe in is right or wrong. But it seems that lately, my vision on what is right or wrong has been impaired. Maybe such things that I consider correct are erroneous when we consider other people's outlook.

I know that God can clear it up for me. I know He can do it. But please, let me feel that reassurance that I could make it better and I could sculpt things according to my own responsibilities and actions. Send someone. Send my angel, for I am tired being somebody else's.

I am so depressed.

I need desperate help. I am receiving support from friends, but I don't think that they understand me. Please. I know the right thing to do, but they couldn't stop talking. As if pressuring me to straighten up. I know exactly what I need to get up. I know that what I am doing now isn't helping me at all.

I need to regain my focus. But it seems that words from somebody's mouth cannot get me unto action. So please, if there is someone out there, who won't scold me, who won't tell me off, help me somehow. Because even by my own intellect, I cannot figure it out. Maybe you can. Or maybe we can.